The Alabama Squirrel

Funny-Squirrels-Funny-Squirrel-Picture-24-FunnyPica.com_

Which reminds me, I said I would look up the ‘squirrel’ incident….

It was all the squirrel’s fault {honest, it was}!

Sometimes I write about real world stuff happening, actually {thinking back} more than I ever did any kind of fiction. The thing is…well, just because it’s true doesn’t make it believable. Just right goofy; it works {for some of us}. Some others being that way do make me smile, laugh and all the rest. Maybe it’s because when that happens I feel as if I can say welcome to my world, to your world as I see it, for ‘getting’ me when it’s such a rare happenstance. Of course that’s because I think ‘weird’, so some say; not easy to catch me not already having had a thought off the beaten path before someone says it themselves. I can blame this one on some of those in my ‘circle’. So now that I have a ‘reason’ to continue on…. Gawd knows I should have some sort of excuse to explain it away, somehow, for those that seem to have to have one. Me, I don’t use excuses; it is what it is what it was what it will be because it is me. In my case, I don’t dance to the tune of my own drummer–I have a full symphony, complete with that annoying little git binging away on that dingy triangle. I have walked so many times on the crazy side that I had it permacreted so I wouldn’t mess up my pedicure. I have actually had to seriously say, “But it was the squirrel’s fault, honest!” Yeah, I might be weird….

See, I was in my nightgown, in the house; the aforementioned article of clothing NOT being of the variety of diaphanous {basically see-through} type thing that gets oogled at mall Victoria’s Secrets and shown in just about every horror movie. It is utilitarian and all that; it’s also why I now usually wear sweats and a t-shirt around, by the way. Anyway…the squirrel comes up on the porch, which the cat sees. We have an animal door in the person door. See where this is heading? Okay, not totally yet, but you will. So, the cat runs out after the squirrel; the dog, defendant three in this case, runs after the cat…who proceeds, of course, to keep running after the squirrel who is running up a tree at that point. Now the dog has the cat trapped up said tree, so the cat has no choice but to keep the squirrel trapped up that tree…until the squirrel decides that the utility wires {electric, phone, etcetera} look just peachy keen for a stroll.

The real problem starts when the dog is actually trying to climb the tree so the cat, naturally, tries to climb the wires after the squirrel. At this point things got real entertaining evidently for the whole neighborhood. The squirrel slips, for whatever reason; the squirrel falls, to the ground, unhurt…right in front of the dog who had decided seconds before that he didn’t like to climb trees after all. So now the dog is chasing the squirrel, because after all it’s a cross between a fuzzy rat and a small cat. The dog actually manages to catch up to the squirrel, at which time said squirrel takes umbrage at the supposed attack {from something that can’t even catch it’s own tail} and so bites the dog on the nose. The dog, freaking out, slings his head around; in the process actually managing to swing the squirrel loose…and into the sprinkler system.

That inanimate object proceeds to animate. By this time the neighbors are doing their own freaking out about all the noise, the poor squirrel {who is just fine, and back in it’s own tree}, the poor cat, ya-da ya-da ya-da. So I have to go outside to do…what? I’m thinking time outs are seriously in order for all of them…. Remember the gown? Yes, the one I was still in. How was I supposed to know it was sort of see-through when it was wet; since I don’t wear it when it’s wet…until then, with the sprinklers going. At this point, it became obvious why the squirrel fell; they were doing maintenance on the wires. They as in the 4 guys from the utility company, who got to see a basically almost but not really naked woman chasing a dog who was chasing a cat who was chasing a squirrel. So, as I said, it was all the squirrel’s fault; or at the very least, it wasn’t mine that the workers ran one of the trucks into the hydrant because they were too busy looking at a {not really} naked {wet clothed} woman. I rest my case, your honor.

*******
We really need only 5 things on Earth. Some food, some sun, some work, some fun, & someone.* {*Internet Age Addendum: and Decent Internet, Caffeine, Nicotine and Chocolate/Sugary Stuff…plus html/links/favs/bookmarks}.

** Close to perfect; far from normal. ** Of course I hear voices, but since I don’t speak Turkish I ignore them. **

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